We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
