If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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