She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
