So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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