Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
