Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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