During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
