The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
