She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
