you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
