its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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