she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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