yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Alive.
So much puke
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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