ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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