textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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