remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.