Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.