I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
someone owes me an orgasm
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.