i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
