barbara walters just said penis...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
