I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
