If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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