Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
