I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
