just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
