well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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