I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
