I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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