I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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