Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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