none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i think i just lost a toe
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