just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
