if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
