They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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