my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
