Soap is not a condiment
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
