You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
