So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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