well I can't set my house on fire every night
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
