I just saw a hot homeless man
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
