I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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