the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
