Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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