You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
