Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A bitchslap is in order.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
