I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
