Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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