i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
