so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
