So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
