I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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