I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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