i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
