He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
