I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
