More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
