I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
