I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
