I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
