When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
