He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
