Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
