turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
