we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
